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Venezuelan Government Announces Transition to US Style Democracy

By Tamara Pearson, Gusano (Gus) Momio & Ryan Mallett-Outtrim | Venezuelanalysis | April 1, 2013

Miami – In a public broadcast yesterday the Venezuelan government announced the transition to democracy. Measures include the sale of community media to business giant Rupert Murdoch, and the privatisation of the health sector.

A Venezuelan government spokesperson told the press, “On the advice of a special US commission, the government will be expanding media diversity by selling all of its community media to Rupert Murdoch”.

“The media package includes Latin America’s Telesur, which will no longer report from the ground and talk to real people, but rather read US government press releases from an autocue,” the government spokesperson said.

Further, the government announced it will be bringing Monsanto into the country to advise on food reform.

“We realised that organised communities shouldn’t participate in politics, they don’t know their own needs, only transnationals like Monsanto and Macdonalds really understand these issues,” the spokesperson said.

On hearing of the transition plans, Donald Trump immediately offered to buy Venezuela’s Canaima National Park, in order to build a golf course. The government has accepted.

“Trump Greens will be South America’s premier golfing destination,” Trump told Venezuelan media yesterday.

“Imagine taking a putt off the world’s highest waterfall. This is my gift to all Venezuelans… and their caddies.”

The government will also sell its Barrio Adentro health system to Richard Branson.

The privatisations will be complemented by austerity policies, with the government hoping to deliver a budget surplus by 2015.

“We have observed the unquestionable success of austerity measures in Europe. While we have struggled to reduce poverty by any more than 66% over the last fourteen years, the rise in living conditions across Europe recently is a testament to the universal fact that free markets make free people,” the spokesperson said.

The US based Human Rights Organisation, which recently declared that Guantanamo Bay is conforming with human rights standards, commented that the latest measures were “a step in the right direction”.

“We hope that within a few years our democracy will be just as good as it is in the US. They have so many types of plastic cheese there, not to mention TV snacks. The Venezuelan economy is a disaster if we don’t have that sort of choice,” said the government spokesperson.

Government officials conceded what many in the international community have suspected for some time. As Simon Hooper wrote for CNN on 6 March, Chavez relied on drawing supporters using “force of personality”.

Indeed, his down to earth rhetoric, and appealing personality tricked many Venezuelans into supporting dictatorial policies such as investment in health and education.

“This day, 1 April, we have decided not to be fools any more and to start taking the international mainstream media seriously. We appreciate everything that the US has done for this continent,” the spokesperson concluded.

April 1, 2013 - Posted by | Economics | , , , , , ,

8 Comments »

  1. APRIL FOOLS DAY! RIGHT? Now give me an upbeat US scenario in which “heads-roll” while others commit suicide in mass as if under mind control throughout the federal fascist complex, inside the DC beltway.

    An Ides of March would have been wonderful too. During the State of the Union address or Netanyahu’s incarnation by an obsequious US Congress.

    You see, I do not believe your article, it is as ludicrous as the Easter mythology of the Resurrection of Christ and ascension into heaven.

    What you posted was an imperial wet-dream, and for your readers, an ugly nightmare. That is a sick sense of humor!

    Comment by Bill Mitchell | April 1, 2013 | Reply

    • I guess its fair to say that the headline failed to excite your hopes and wishes.

      Comment by aletho | April 1, 2013 | Reply

  2. Well actually that has happened here (the USA) with the election of Obama, packaged as a prince charming. The naked truth is horrible, he is just a zionist George W. Bush with cosmetics and a lapdog mass media, gullible public, and lip-sync mass moron corporate media.

    You are correct, I didn’t read the bottom paragraph, I was to outraged, and wondered why harass Venezuela with this, are you insensitive to the feelings of the millions of people there who are depressed with the assassination of Hugo Chavez by US and very likely, American Zionist, being the agents who poisoned him, most likely with plutonium.

    This article was an arrogant and stupid idea. You are in a diplomatic/public relations state of war that is likely to escalate into WWIII and you do this! Iran needs friends disparately throughout the world, including South America. This article is contra-productive and should be pulled accordingly.

    Comment by Bill Mitchell | April 1, 2013 | Reply

    • The article can also be seen as type of warning. It also exposes the liberal opponents of the Bolivarian movement as the stooges that they indeed are. The dateline “Miami” is the first clue. Aletho News readers must remain on their toes.

      Comment by aletho | April 1, 2013 | Reply

  3. This is an April fools joke, right ? Chavez would be shaking in his grave, if this was true !

    Comment by brianconcannon | April 1, 2013 | Reply

  4. I would like to sure that you are just kidding! I agree with Mitchell “for your readers, an ugly nightmare. That is a sick sense of humor!”

    Comment by Meriem Kheira Peillet | April 1, 2013 | Reply

  5. This is the day made for the wise. LOL.

    Comment by Ribeekah Grant | April 1, 2013 | Reply

  6. Next year at this time, it will all be true thanks to the crypto-jew trojan horse sayan now running for office. Zion, Inc has the agents, the spies and the American tax dollars to wait out the current Venexuela govt and to infiltrate it incrementally. The noncompliant will be subjugated. Just a matter of time. AIPAC- America is the model

    Comment by lpor@aol.com | April 2, 2013 | Reply


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